Yeah, I said "We". The baby is growing...getting a little bigger and fatter everyday. He's a chunky little thing. I have several pairs of jeans for him that fit as far as the length goes, but not around his waist. One pair I liked so much I thought I'd dress him fat-man style, fastening the pants under his belly giving him a pair of low-riders. That doesn't work with babies, though. #1, SOME of the pants wouldn't even fit over his chunky thighs, but the real problem is that low-rider jeans that aren't meant to be low-riders reveal a generous amount of the...ahem....rear crevasse, and with babies that is a bad bad thing. Don't pretend you don't know what I mean!
Yesterday he squealed in delight for the first time. Mommy was smiling at him and he was smiling back, in that huge, open-mouthed grin of his and he let out a happy little shriek. It was awsome. I know he'll start laughing any day now. I really think he wants to laugh, he just doesn't know how yet.
As for me, I'm growing too. I've asked myself how I managed to get into the position I am now, concerning Charles. I stayed with him as long as I did because I thought he was a nice guy. I wasn't in to him emotionally, or even physically, really....but I was reeling after dating a string of jerks and I was afraid that I was terminally attracted to the type...the liars, the cheaters, the users....So even though my gut told me almost instantly that Charles wasn't right for me and I never really got all that emotionally invested, I stayed with it because I didn't want to be That Girl who always dates the losers.
In spite of all my efforts, a loser is what I got. And ultimately, he turned out to be so far worse than anyone else I had ever encountered, that the bad stuff the others did seems trivial by comparison. That actually goes for a lot of things other people did. I have held on to anger and bitterness for years over "wrongs" that have been done to me by people I let myself trust. However, looking back through the glasses of experience of being involved with someone TRULY morally deficiant, all that other stuff just doesn't seem worth my anger anymore. I have managed to let go of a lot of those feelings and finally forgive people in my life who have hurt me by being human and flawed.
I've asked myself what lesson I keep failing to learn that I can keep ending up as a victim to someone else's dishonesty. Then I decided what I need to know is how to prevent it from happenin again. I think I can start with listening to myself and trusting my instincts. The next mistake is trusting people and taking what they say on face value. There is no room in life for giving the benefit of the doubt. Maybe that was possible once, but not anymore.
It sounds depressing, but it isn't really. My growth is realizing how I can change MYSELF so that OTHERS can not cause me such grief in the future.
Mecha-Ant Invasion Vacation
4 years ago