Friday, October 24, 2008

I don't know why it bothers me, but it does

It eats at me the things that were said to me, and that I was too shocked at the overwhelming WRONGNESS of it all that I couldn't actually formulate the deserved retort at the time of the attack. Not that anything I would have said could have mattered. What REALLY irks me is that with these people, there is no right answer. There is no way to win. You can't fight someone who embraces their illogic and undeserved self-righteousness with utter conviction. It's like trying to build a stone house on water.

What I want to know is why I keep running into these people over and over again. Do I attract them? Is there some life lesson that I am missing out on here?

I think ultimately what I have learned is that I should NEVER ever ever ever ignore my gut instinct again. I swore I wouldn't last time, and I did, and this is the result. I'll know, from now on that my gut should be like my Bible and Divine Guide.

I called Charles today to see if he had cancelled the paternity form, and to see if he had contacted his lawyer, and I was curious if he had gotten the results of the DNA test back yet. Jill suggested that CoCoPuff (the crazy girlfriend) might have tampered with the swab so I wanna know what comes back. I mean *I* have no doubts as to who the father is, so I know what SHOULD come back. In a moment of...insanity, I guess, I asked him if he REALLY believed that Connor wasn't his son. He said "Well, that's not why I wanted it, I wanted to have that if I was going to go through the courts" and I said, "Yes, but do you think he is your son?" He responded: "I'm not sure, but it didn't matter...I loved him, and so I didn't care"

When it came to the lawyer, he told me that he had some more stuff to sort out and would contact me Monday. It worries me because I DO wonder if he is going to go through with the termination of rights....and if he doesn't, maybe it is a good thing because maybe it means he is telling the truth when he says he loves Connor....but it means trying to find a way to work with who is inherently dishonest, even with himself, and another who is a fruitloop.

Still, it annoys the hell out of me that he would question whether Connor is his son. I don't deserve that, and did nothing to earn the doubt.


Nana said...

Well what do you expect from someone who is a cheater and a liar. I mean he had two girlfriends and a wife at the same time. I hope he does get out of Connors life, Connor does not need that kind of evil influence in his life. The gl(fruitloop) is even crazier and would even be more dangerous. I dont trust one thing that comes out of that lying mouth of his. And I tell you he loved, love Connor what kind of love is that when he cant even say it, then puts another woman and her kids before his very own. Oh plz he is such a loser and a no good human being. He just needs to go own with his "family" hell he dont even know the meaning of the word, and leave you and Connor alone.
Thats my feelings and I will stand by them.
I mean he couldnt even stay at the hospital when he didnt know what was going on with his son. He fell asleep? Oh my heavens he makes me want to just vomit with his stupid ways. He dont even know a thing about taking care of Connor has to leave it up to his gl who is so stupid she cant even find her own feelings from one day to the next. She is such a pathic stupid woman. Whats she going to do if Charles gets her pg, and then leave her. She is going to want to come to u and cry on ur shoulder. I must stop at this point.

Stephanie F. said...

I love your mom. :-)