I Knew Becoming A Parent Would Change Me....

...but I was unprepared for exactly how profound that change would be.

I had a nightmare last night. The world was coming to an end...not sure why. Perhaps the sun was in supernova, or something like that. The gist is, all humanity was about to be wiped out...except there was this man. A mad man, a serial killer, who said he could save a few by opening a portal into another dimension and sending a ship through. By ship, I mean space ship of course. The only problem was, the man was disincorporated....he existed, but had no body. At some point in the dream he took Connor's body (because he was the only baby handy) and changed it into that of an adult male that looked exactly like the serial killer's old body. When I realized what had been done I asked the man if he could go back, if he could give me back my son. If Connor was still in there somewhere. He told me yes, at first, and pretend to be Connor trying to communicate with me...and then he told me no, Connor was gone forever. I wasn't sure if I believed him so I set out to try and find a way to extract him. However, the people around me who were frantically preparing to be sent to another dimension tried to stop me because they didn't want anything to interfere with their chance to escape certain death.

It wasn't long after that when I woke up. So here's the thing. I've always valued life...except my own. If sacrificing myself to save others were necessary, I would have done it. Maybe I would have hesitated...I'm not a saint...but I would have done it. Now? I'm not so sure. These days I find I WANT to live. I need to be here for my son...to take care of him and raise him.

Of course, if sacrificing myself would save HIM, that I would do without hesitation. Here is the big one though. I thought about it this morning...if I would sacrifice Connor to save all of humanity? If every man, woman, and child's life depended on me handing him over and it would save them all...I still don't think I could do it. Even knowing that by refusing, he would probably die anyway as all humanity was destroyed...I think I would rather be holding him and us go out together than WILLINGLY give him up to save billions of other lives.

So yeah, I knew that becoming a parent would change me...but I never once suspected that some of my core values could be altered in such a profound way.

On a completely unrelated note...CUTE BABY VIDEO!

My Day With The Most Wonderful Little Boy In The World

There are a lot of pics in this story so I am using small thumbnails. Click on an image to see a larger version.

We woke up early, as always, when the sun just starts to pour pale, watery light though the window. I put him down on a blanket in the bathroom with some toys and tried to take a shower. He started to call for me so I opened the stall door and peeked out. He looked up at me and grinned. I talk to him a bit and go back to my shower. He yells again. I open the door and he smiles innocently up at me. It's to be a game then, I see! We continue this way through my shower, managing to get a lot of water on the floor in the process. It's ok, it mops up.

After that we played, ate and napped. We were both in the recliner, him laying on a pillow in my lap, snoring loudly, me surfing the net quietly beside him. I may have dozed off a little too...it happens from time to time.

Connor didn't take his nap at his normal time...I think he may be ready to drop his short, early morning nap in favor of taking a longer nap later in the day.

After that it was a lunch of Momma's homemade banana puree. I've started making his solid foods...all organic of course. He likes the bananas a lot.

Finally, we dressed and started to head out for the day. Poor Connor, he loves to get out, but he HATES to be strapped in his car-seat.

This is him desperatly resisting confinement:



He calmed, though, once he realized he would have someone to talk to on the trip:



First stop, the Dollar Store where I saw something silly and got a fun idea... This expression says "You WILL be paying my therapy bills later"



After that we went to Target who had even MORE fun St. Patty's Day hats!!

"What is this thing on my head?!"



"Seriously?"



Rakish Baby!!



"Hey, this is kinda fun!"



"Oh God, did someone I know just see me?"



Pimpin'!



"The Mad Hatter has nothing on me!"



While at Target I found some cute wooden puzzles, including the one of America with the capitals underneath the tiles. I've been looking for that exact puzzle! I was really happy to get it. After that we were on our way to Babies R Us to get a breathable bumper for his crib. Now that he's rolling both ways (proud momma!) He sometimes gets his legs stuck in the slats, and regular bumpers are a suffocation hazard so breathable bumper it is!

It was getting colder so we had to put his hood up. Connor isn't a big fan of bright sunlight.....



Once we were done shopping we headed over to the....duhn duhn duhhhh Pediatrition for Connor's SIX MONTH CHECKUP!!!

Can you believe he's 6 months old already? My how the time has flown. His current milestones:
- Rolls both ways
- Sits completely unsupported
- Says "Dada" "Baba" "Goo, Gee, & Gaa"
- Passes Objects from Hand to Hand
- Reaches for, and drags toys towards him
- Tries to crawl

Weight: 18lbs
Length: 25 3/4"
Head Cir: 17 1/4"

He's a little small length wise, only in the 23rd percentile, but he is in the 50th percentile for weight and head circumference. He's healthy and his development is right on track. Yay! He got vaccinations, too, the poor guy. He took them like a champ, though, only crying a little.

We left the doctor and went home for a snack and a nap...but he didn't sleep long. Undaunted by the vaccinations, he wanted to play! So we did!

The evening wore on and it was getting close to bed time so I gave him a bath. Connor wanted me to show you him rockin' his cool blue camo bandaids.



And while we were at it....thank goodness for conveniantly placed toys!!



"You know I'm cute, just admit it"



Bathtime! Connor splashed so much water all over the kitchen, that it rivaled the mess I made when I took my shower that morning....



And then...after a long day the little man finally drifted off to sleep in my arms while I watched a little tv.



It was a good day.

Beware Grandparents!!

We all know that grandparents SPOIL our children, but were we warned that they could teach them cute, but annoying habits as well?

My darling mother taught my darling child to make

This Noise

He sounds desperately constipated! And annoying as it is, if you make the sound back to him he starts to giggle uncontrollably which is completely irrisistable and therefore I am forced to actually ENCOURAGE him. Gah!

Connor is sleeping through the night 2-3 times a week now...I am hoping I can increase that ratio. Fortunately last night was one of those nights. He goes down at 9pm and sleeps till 4am, wakes, eats and goes back down for 2 - 3 hours. (they are considered to be sleeping through the night when they sleep for a 5-6 hour stretch, so I am lucky to get 7 hours straight like that!)

Care for Connor is getting easier these days. He can entertain himself for longer stretches now so I have more opportunity to clean and cook. I've actually cooked myself real meals several days in a row now. Last night I made risotto for the first time...I had never even TASTED risotto before. I was surprised to find that I really liked it, especially since I don't usually like rice much.

It is amazing how much a difference in my mood getting enough sleep really makes. Yesterday after having 2 straight nights of little sleep I was in a bit of a funk. This morning I realize how good life really is. I have a wonderful, beautiful son who is growing and changing every day. I have a job in tough economical times (and lets hope I keep it!), I have family and friends to share my life with and a roof over my head and more food than I should really eat. I've got it pretty good. Makes me wonder why I ever whine about anything. Why is it so easy to forget how fortunate you are?

Swimming, Talking, and Mommy Moments

Connor went swimming this weekend! It wasn't the first time he's been in a pool, but it has been almost 4 months so I doubt he remembered the first time. He loved it! He splashed and played and kicked and tried to swim. He wasn't scared at all. I even went under with him a couples of times. When he came up he looked surprised, but he didn't cry at all. I wish I had taken my camera, but I forgot it.

Inspired by my friend Laura I thought I would post some baby noises. Connor babbling up a storm, saying "Dadadadadada!"

Baby Talk

Since I had Connor, even though I do a Mommy job, sometimes I find I don't "feel" like a mommy. (Don't ask me what a mommy feels like, I couldn't explain it) However I definitely had a mommy moment today when I found myself scrubbing baby clothes in the bathroom sink at work because they were covered in sweet potatos from the baby's lunch feeding. You know you're a mother when...

Ah, and one last thing. This pic was too sweet to resist posting...

Two Milestones in One Day!

Connor is growing so fast I can barely keep up! Yesterday he made two milestones in one day!

The first one was rolling from his back to his belly. He's been rolling from belly to back since he was 2 months old, but he HATES tummy time for anything but sleeping so I wasn't sure he'd EVER go the other way...but yesterday he did! He was on the bed in Mom's guest bedroom when he did it. I scared Mom to death by screaming for her in excitement. She thought something was wrong!

Then he decided it was time to say his first word. He'd been playing with consonants all day, saying things like bababa and dadada. Mom was trying to steer him towards Mama or Nana, but he wasn't having any of it! He was babbling along and she interrupted him with "Nana! Say Nana!" He looked her right in the face and in a loud, clear voice said "Dada!" Oh, that boy of mine has a mind of his own!

I am so proud of him I could just burst!

It does make me a little sad for him that there isn't a father in his life to be all puffed up and happy that Dada was his first word. I suppose it is what it is, though.

Connor Says: "Pppppbbbbttttt!"

Exhausted and Happy

Today was a good day. I got up early and met my friend Wayne and his kids for an adventure today. We went to the new Tellus museam that replaced the old Wyman mineral museam. The exhibits were stunning and interesting, and there was a lot for the kids to do. We also went to the Planetarium and watched a facinating film about black holes.

After the museam we went hiking on Pine Mountain. 1 mile up a steep climb carrying a near 20lb baby strapped to your chest isn't easy, lemme tell ya...but we made it to the summit and could see Atlanta, Kennesaw Mountain, Bowen Power Plant, Allatoona, and HWY 75 all in one look. It was beautiful! We are thinking about hiking up there one day and setting up a tent to stay the night so we can see all the lights and stars.

Connor was wonderful the entire time. The only time he fussed at all was when it was time for him to eat. He still eats every 3 hours...you could almost set your watch by him. He loves Waynes kids and smiled and laughed at them all day long. He REALLY enjoye the hike. He kept grinning and flapping his arms and legs. I am constantly amazed at how much he likes to be outside. Sometimes I can quiet a full-blown melt down just by taking him on my front porch. I'm gonna have to invest in some sunscreen for us both, I can see it now.

He did a few new things today too. He put his foot in his mouth by himself for the first time this morning, and he's started razzing with his tongue. He's REALLY enjoying the razzing thing. I had a hard time feeding him today because the mushed carrots kept sputtering out...all over me I might add.

Weird Poop Book

I was creating a wishlist on Amazon of books I'd like Connor to have. Mostly books I loved as a child but no longer have for some reason. One book, though, I never owned or read but it's popularity made me think it might be useful in the future. "Everyone Poops".

When you are adding items to a wishlist, Amazon will suggest items of a similar nature that it thinks you might like to buy as well. One of the suggestions is a book with cover art that, for some reason, I find incredibly disturbing.

Where's the Poop?

A bunch of animals, grouped around a toilet with expressions of absolute GLEE over its contents. They aren't cartoony looking animals either. They're drawn to look pretty realistic....so what are they doing there? How did they get in the house. Why are they so VERY happy about poop?

It's just...weird.

Connor Is Doing Fabulously!

Connor is back to being the happy baby I had before all those procedures last week. If I catch his eye he smiles at me, a big, gummy, happy smile. His ticklish feet and belly are always good for one of those infectious baby giggles that I love so much.

He's officially on solids now. He LOVES sweet potatos, and hates rice cereal. He's not a big fan of sweet peas either. He still has a bit of a tongue thrust reflex, so there's no giving him food he doesn't want because the only way to get it in him is if he opens his mouth for it. Mom showed me how to feed him so he doesn't spit everything out and he really seems to enjoy eating...sweet potatos. I am going to try a few other veggies, but if he refuses those I will try some fruits. Looking forward to bananas!

He is gaining weight like a champ too. He is over 18lbs now! What a little porker he is! He and Emily are the same height so it's really funny to go back and forth between holding them. She seems tiny and delicate, her movements deliberate and graceful while he is a wrigling, energetic bowling ball. The difference between boys and girls I guess. I think she may end up taller than him, though! Although today I pulled out the 6-9 month clothes and thought they looked WAY to big for him and was surprised to see they fit perfectly. My little baby isn't all that little anymore! It amuses me to hand him to friends who don't have children and see them start to strain holding him after a few minutes. I think my arms are getting really built up!

He is working on crawling now. Before now he would inch-worm along but I never got the impression he was really trying to go anywhere. Recently something must have clicked in his head because now he does this funny SUPER MAN type pose when he is on his belly and he rocks and wiggles and I can tell he is really TRYING to get mobile. It wouldn't surprise me if he started crawling some time in the next month.

So Connor is doing great. Healthy, thriving, meeting milestones.

And...I am working on getting there. Thoughout last week I never let myself cry at all...not in fear, not in reaction. I kept it together so that I could be there for him...and then tonight I was watching an episode of Grey's Anatomy that had a sick kid in the show and abruptly, I was in the kitchen bawling, trying hard to keep it quiet so that I didn't wake the baby or let Henrik hear. I thought I had let it go, but apparently it was still there, waiting for the right moment to sneak out. I'm glad the baby was already in bed because I might have scared him. I'm so terrified of him getting hurt or sick or that I'll do the wrong thing. Thing that I thought would be easy about parenting, are not. I was so confident about my ability to handle certain aspects, but I've already broken so many of my rules that it's a wonder I still have any at all. Will I ever feel like I have a handle on things?