Connor Is Doing Fabulously!

Connor is back to being the happy baby I had before all those procedures last week. If I catch his eye he smiles at me, a big, gummy, happy smile. His ticklish feet and belly are always good for one of those infectious baby giggles that I love so much.

He's officially on solids now. He LOVES sweet potatos, and hates rice cereal. He's not a big fan of sweet peas either. He still has a bit of a tongue thrust reflex, so there's no giving him food he doesn't want because the only way to get it in him is if he opens his mouth for it. Mom showed me how to feed him so he doesn't spit everything out and he really seems to enjoy eating...sweet potatos. I am going to try a few other veggies, but if he refuses those I will try some fruits. Looking forward to bananas!

He is gaining weight like a champ too. He is over 18lbs now! What a little porker he is! He and Emily are the same height so it's really funny to go back and forth between holding them. She seems tiny and delicate, her movements deliberate and graceful while he is a wrigling, energetic bowling ball. The difference between boys and girls I guess. I think she may end up taller than him, though! Although today I pulled out the 6-9 month clothes and thought they looked WAY to big for him and was surprised to see they fit perfectly. My little baby isn't all that little anymore! It amuses me to hand him to friends who don't have children and see them start to strain holding him after a few minutes. I think my arms are getting really built up!

He is working on crawling now. Before now he would inch-worm along but I never got the impression he was really trying to go anywhere. Recently something must have clicked in his head because now he does this funny SUPER MAN type pose when he is on his belly and he rocks and wiggles and I can tell he is really TRYING to get mobile. It wouldn't surprise me if he started crawling some time in the next month.

So Connor is doing great. Healthy, thriving, meeting milestones.

And...I am working on getting there. Thoughout last week I never let myself cry at all...not in fear, not in reaction. I kept it together so that I could be there for him...and then tonight I was watching an episode of Grey's Anatomy that had a sick kid in the show and abruptly, I was in the kitchen bawling, trying hard to keep it quiet so that I didn't wake the baby or let Henrik hear. I thought I had let it go, but apparently it was still there, waiting for the right moment to sneak out. I'm glad the baby was already in bed because I might have scared him. I'm so terrified of him getting hurt or sick or that I'll do the wrong thing. Thing that I thought would be easy about parenting, are not. I was so confident about my ability to handle certain aspects, but I've already broken so many of my rules that it's a wonder I still have any at all. Will I ever feel like I have a handle on things?