Tuesday, December 23, 2008

To Seek, or Not To Seek - That Is The Question

Ok, so I have been debating whether to seek child support for a while now. My family has been pressuring me to go that route since we learned that it would be pretty much impossible for AH (Ass Hat) to legally and permanently terminate his parental rights.

One of my concerns has been how a court battle would affect my job. I've read where several women ended up losing their jobs because they missed so much work going to court. So I broached the subject with my boss today over IM. This is how it went:

[09:17] Me: Do you know anyone who's gone through a court battle for child support and visitation?
[09:20] Boss: no
[09:20] Boss: why?
[09:21] Me: Just wondering. Weighing my options on whether I should go to court for CS. One of my (many) concerns is that I would have to miss a lot of work to make court dates. I am not sure how involved the process is
[09:22] Boss: well it can take some time from understanding of it
[09:22] Boss: but its not that much missed work
[09:23] Boss: and I am of the firm belief that even if 2 parents can't support each other...they should BOTH support their child no matter what
[09:23] Boss: missed work would probably end up being somewhere in the ballpark of 1 day every 2 weeks until a decision is made
[09:23] Boss: but I am willing to work out something with you to ensure that you can do this[09:23] Boss: maybe if you know the court date in advance
[09:24] Boss: we can work out a "work day from home swap" like we did before you gave birth
[09:25] Me: OK...I could do that. Thank you...it really means a lot knowing you'll be supportive. I've asked other moms and some I knew ended up losing their jobs trying for C/S payments that took them years to get
[09:25] Boss: well it may take years
[09:26] Boss: but on average the court dates are always in advance...they always take no more than 1 whole day and you will always know when that’s going to be
[09:26] Boss: but we can definitely work things out
[09:26] Boss: I just need your commitment to work from home on those day swaps
[09:27] Boss: especially if it ends up being a weekend day
[09:27] Me: Right...Absolutely. You'll get the very best I can give. I could do no less when you've been so generous
[09:27] Boss: that’s all I ask for in return
[09:28] Boss: and besides the work effort you put forth is always excellent, I just wish I could pay you more
[09:28] Boss: however I think we can get you some certifications and training that would help me get you more
[09:28] Boss: we just need to work on that together too
[09:28] Me: That would be awesome
[09:28] Boss: but I will always be supportive especially if you need to go after child support
[09:29] Me: I am always willing to learn, and it WOULD be nice to have some paper to back up what I know
[09:29] Boss: excellent
[09:29] Me: I have a sudden urge to hug you, but that would probably be weird

So this makes me feel a lot better. At least I know that going that route won't cost me my job.

So my decision hinges upon this. I am going to do a little bit more research, talk to Child Services, and hopefully a lawyer. If I can't get AH's rights terminated and he can come back at ANY time in the next 18 years and demand visitation, I might as well get C/S. He told me he wouldn't seek visitation, but then he ALSO told me he would never cheat on me, and when I got pregnant he told me he was NOT going to abandon me....well, if I kept going on about all the lies he's told and promises he's broken, I'd be forced to write a book. So I'll avoid doing that and we'll leave it at that.

I'll keep you guys updated on what I find out and how things are going.

Wish me luck!

1 comment:

Samantha said...

I filed, went to court a few times, my daughter's father doesn't see her at all, and though his pay is garnished he barley makes payments but for me it was the principal of it, who was he to decide what responsibilies he could pick and choose from, what he could walk away from and what he'd stick with...I don't know what to advise you but its never easy that's for sure...