Monday, May 11, 2009

MPSP V/S The Eater Of All Things

I keep writing about Connor's new abilities, but I have neglected to write about mine. I have a new super power. It's called MPSP. Mommy's Pacifier Sensory Perception. In short, I can sense an ejected pacifier with deadly accuracy from 20 paces.

I became aware of this ability one day when I was holding Connor, who was happily nomming his paci when my hand snapped out and caught the falling bit of plastic and silicone before I'd even realized anything had happened.

My reflexes unfortunately do not match my MPSP, so there are times when I don't always catch the paci, but I ALWAYS know when it is about to pop out.

Connor has made a game of this. He makes an effort to spit out the paci whenever it is MOST inconvenient or when we are in a place where, once it has hit the floor, I can't just suck it up and stick it back in his mouth. I have to wash it. Should I not IMMEDIATELY wash and return said paci, he starts up a wail for it in such woeful and piteous tones that I can't stand up under the scathing looks of passersby who don't understand why I am withholding such a simple form of comfort that the poor child so desperately wants.

"Why don't you just get one of those tethers you can attach to their clothes" you ask? Ahh, but where would the fun be in that? I enjoy matching wits with my son day after day, pitting his reflexes and sneakiness against my MPSP.....

either that, or he has learned to pull the tether off rendering it useless. You can pick which one sounds most viable.

Anyway, so I have come to depend on my MPSP to allow Connor to play with things I wouldn't normally let him touch. Small things, or things that shouldn't go in the mouth for whatever reason are safe with him as long as the pacifier stays firmly locked in place. Once it has slipped from the lips my MPSP kicks in and I can halt my son from devouring his prize. I can feel like I am not limiting his experiences and being over-protective without actually letting him do anything he shouldn't. It frustrates him, but works out well for me.

Until today, when the little devil learned to defeat MPSP.

I had him in the car with me. I was on my lunch break and I was getting ready to feed him. He was idly playing with the change in my door handle and I was busy examining a new scratch on his thigh. My only warning was the sound of metal clicking against plastic. I looked down and the pacifier was where it should be in his mouth...but he had it pushed up and UNDERNEATH it he was eating a quarter. I saw it just as it disappeared between his lips.

Do you know how much you can actually think in the span of about a second? The next moment inside my head went something like this: "OHGODOHGODOHGODHE'SGOINGTOCHOKEI'MGOINGTOHAVETOCALL911OHGOHEISGOINGTOSWALLOWOHGOTHEYWILLNEEDSURGERYOHGOOHGOHE'SGOINGTOCHOKEOHGOI'MGOINGTOHAVETODOCPROHGODPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEDON'TSWALLOW"

Didn't make a lot of sense? Me either...and my brain just kept going along those lines for at LEAST 30 seconds AFTER I made him spit out the quarter and it was sitting, covered with drool, in my change bowl. Seriously, I was very freaked out for quite a bit there, even though everything was fine.

I've lost track of how many points Connor has gotten now, but one thing is certain. Just when I think I am ahead, he goes and changes the game on me.

2 comments:

Ben said...

One of my favorite games when my nephew was still a toddler and I would babysit was finding ways to distract him so my parents could sneak out of my townhouse without him noticing. If he actually saw them leave, he'd rush to the door and go nuts. If they left and he didn't know it, he was fine.

L+L=E said...

I had an OHMYGODSHESCHOKING moment today. I sat her down right by my desk and she found a pen I didn't know was there. Of course I looked down when I heard the slobbering sounds...